The guilty survivor
by Kizu-89
Summary: Everything he had worked so hard for seemed so far away now. He didn't need to be there anymore. It felt more and more like a blessing as he got used to working like this. If it wasn't for Edward's fast thinking he wouldn't be here. He would be dead. His own body wasn't really his anymore. More than half of it was actually Riza's. (In future chapters EdXRoy, EdXFem!Roy)
1. Chapter 1

I don't own fullmetal alchemist or any characters from it. Only thing I own is my crazy way of doing things and insane plots. ;) I know this isn't probably perfectly written, but I hope you all can forgive me as this isn't my mother language. Thank you in advance! :)

Roy was walking down a path he had walked about million times before. He knew already every nook and curve of it, and it made him feel kind of satisfied; it was small thing, but still kind of meaningful to him.

His days here at Resembool had been so long and boring as all he really could do was keeping Edward's house and farm running while the younger man was away.

Everything he had worked so hard for seemed so far away now. It all had changed almost a year ago. Riza was gone, dead. Havoc was reported MIA and Roy suspected he too was dead. It was easier to talk about it now too. He wasn't too sure what had happened to Breda and Falman either but he at least knew they were somewhere alive and relatively well.

He supposed the country was alright at the moment too, since it wasn't at war anymore, not after Edward had managed to stop the minor fights on their borders few weeks back.

It still never ceased to amaze him how well Edward's alchemy worked, his body was almost perfect. He had only few scars here and there, all from his previous life as a colonel. He stopped to look at the view. It was so warm day and the cows were gracing on the field, it was all normal now, to stop here and watch them.

He actually missed his days as a colonel less and less as the days went by. He didn't need to be there anymore. It felt more and more like a blessing as he got used to working like this. Only thing he found himself to be missing was Edward.

If it wasn't for Edward's fast thinking he wouldn't be there. He would be dead. Edward had acted like a guardian angel for him, or maybe like a God. You know you don't get repaired by alchemy every day and it is illegal anyway. Still He felt so thankful to be alive, even if it meant he felt guilty for surviving. He could say his survival wasn't his own doing at all. If he decided to not to lie it was more like his own body wasn't really his anymore. More than half of it was actually Riza's.

Past  
-

He could hear the bombs going off in distance and was getting ready to go. It was time to make sure there wouldn't be so many losses on their side. It pained him dearly to know that Edward was here too. Young man was just too good hearted for this kind of war. In a way he pitied everyone that had been called to fight. Including himself.

He was thinner than what he used to be, there was shortage on wood and he had been giving some of his extras to Edward, when he saw young man occasionally. They had started to become closer during the time spent here on the front lines.

Roy had to admit Edward that Edward was literally destroying their enemies with a efficiency that made Roy feel jealous and scared too. It couldn't be good for him.

Soon enough he had to go with Hughes and Riza to kill and destroy mission southwards from their camp. They had a car as a means of transportation and while it was old and shitty, it meant they didn't have to walk too much; it made things quicker.

It still was a boring drive, Roy actually rested his eyes and slept, that was until he woke up to feeling of pain, extreme pain, searing trough his body. He could hear his own scream barely, there were too loud explosions, and they were too close. Roy managed somehow to open his eyes and saw Riza next to himself bleeding heavily from her eyes and nose, there was a huge chunk of metal buried in her head and Roy was quite certain she was dead.

There was a choking sob and Roy wasn't sure where it came from, trying desperately to get himself up, failing and coughing some blood while someone managed to pry the wreck that was on top of him off. He could see golden hair and eyes, the light looked so ethereal.

-Roy?! Voice asked and he groaned softly trying to lift his hand to shield his eyes from the invading light. There was a hand on his shoulder that felt reassuring, even though Roy felt like he was slowly dying there. _"My body must be so damaged that I can't feel anything, or maybe I am in shock from blood loss…" _He thought and slowly blinked at the person hovering above him. He really felt detached.

It didn't seem so important to try and ask who it was. It just started to feel like his thoughts were coming together slowly more sluggishly. He looked at the hand that was feeling Riza's neck for pulse. That was stupid he knew, but maybe the person who belonged to other end of that hand felt the need to make sure she wasn't alive.

He was being lifted up from the carcass of their car and heard someone he knew speaking slow and soft words to him? Or maybe it was just a hallucination. He knew he couldn't be too sure and he started to feel faint, everything seemed to be rotating and falling and he could only whimper when he was laid on the ground. There was a quick scraping sound and then everything turned to bright purple. After that he was relieved when blackness took over and everything faded to nothingness.

If you like review! I am working on writing this story, since I need some exercise for my English writing. I mainly speak and write Finnish so, this is a challenge to write in English again. :)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I still don't own FMA. I hope you will enjoy this chapter; it is getting easier to write this. I have some internet connection problems, I hope I can get them sorted this week.

Edward was the first one to arrive the scene of car that had been hit by the bombs. It looked vaguely familiar, but he wasn't sure where he had seen it before. It still needed to be inspected, in case there were survivors.

When Edward went closer he noticed familiar man pulling himself from the car.

-Hughes! How are you here? Are you hurt?! Did you have passengers?! Edward yelled and at the same time helped man out of the car. He seemed to be very shaken and while he had suffered minor wounds, he would be fine after some rest.

-Riza and Roy were at the back… Hughes managed to say, almost throwing up seeing how much damage the back portion of the car had taken. It really was a sickening sight. Edward felt the panic rise within himself but he pressed it down, they needed him and his help.

-Roy! Riza! He cried out and went on to dig through the bend metal and metal that had come from the bombs. It was easy enough to get through the car parts with his metal hand. First he saw colonel. He was barely conscious.

-Roy!? He said loudly, and felt his neck to feel the pulse. He looked nothing like he had been at his office. There was blood everywhere. His stomach looked like someone tried to gut him and managed only halfway, it sure was a miracle he was still alive.

Edward could see his hipbone that had been crushed and intestines, he didn't want to think about that. Edward felt Riza's neck too, just because he wanted to feel it for sure that she was dead. The metal shard embedded to her head was a really good indicator on itself.

He gently lifted Mustang from the car thinking fast. He knew the man didn't have too much time to wait for the medic. He would probably still die if they had a medic at ready here; his body was just so damaged. Riza's was mostly good, except for her head. Edward felt bad about thinking it, but it kind of made sense to him to use Riza's body to keep Roy alive.

It wasn't like he preferred Roy over Riza; they were both very dear to him. It was just that he couldn't just watch Roy die, not like this. His heart was bounding in his chest making it hard to think straight. He really loved this fucked up bastard and he had loved him back too.

He set Roy carefully on the ground, still thinking it over and decided to at least try. There was no other way to keep Roy alive. Edward knew there were many risks in using Riza's body to replace damaged parts of Roy's body. The whole transmutation was wrong, Illegal. It could cost him his limbs, Roy's limbs, anything. It just was the only available option to try and save him.

Edward set Roy carefully to ground and checked his pulse again feeling it was weaker than before. He hurried and lifted Riza off the car and next to Roy doing quick job of scraping a transmutation circle on the ground, it really was just a base for the circle he had imagined in his mind.

He clapped his hands together and placed them on the circle activating it. Purple light surrounded them in a flash, Edward felt the energy go in right direction, it seemed like it was working. He watched Roy without blinking, it was almost impossible to see him with the bright purple light.

Edward fell forward after completing transmutation and sighed. He felt like he had run a marathon. Hughes came next to him lifting him into sitting position, he seemed to be slightly calmer now.

-Edward… what did you do to them? Hughes asked quietly holding Edward upright. Hughes looked at his friends, seeing Riza's body was torn literally to pieces, most of it was missing. Roy seemed to be in better condition than before. Hughes could see difference in his figure from where he was holding Ed.

-I saved Roy… Edwards said slowly and looked at Hughes, he felt slightly quilty for using Riza's body like this.

-I couldn't do anything for Riza; she was already dead and… Roy was alive… Edward said softly starting to cry hugging onto Hughes. His sobs echoing in the empty field, it was lucky there wasn't more bombs going of around them.

-I sacrificed Riza's body for repairing Roy's… Edward said and sniffed pulling himself together finally. He had to see that Roy was alive. Hughes felt disturbed, but then again he would have done anything if it had been his wife or darling daughter. Hughes let Edward go and watched him get up.

Edward got up and walked to Roy, who was still lying there on the ground not moving or giving any sound. He kneeled carefully next to him watching how his chest was moving with breaths that were coming easily for him. Edward gently laid his head on Roy's chest it felt soft, too soft for being normal and Edward ripped the military issued blue jacket open startled.

He blushed seeing two round breasts where there should have been just muscular chest. This hadn't been in his plans, it could mean trouble for them, he couldn't bring back a colonel who had suddenly grown a pair of breasts now could he? He noticed Hughes watching the exact same thing he had been looking at and suddenly pulled the jacket back to cover them feeling protective. Hughes shouldn't be looking at them anyway; he had a wife already…

-Ed we can't bring him back as a colonel when he has extra parts… Hughes said to Ed slowly, he really needed to think about Grazia. Edward nodded. he would have to see if there was anything other changed.

-Turn around Hughes, I need to see if I fucked him up down there too… Edward said then and Hughes did just that. In a way he felt like he should have done that for Roy, but then again with his body like this Edward had better reasons to do it. Edward hesitated before unbuttoning Roy's pants. Slowly he zipped them and pulled them down enough to see that Roy had lost his manly parts and gained some female stuff in exchange.

-Hughes… I actually turned him woman… It looks like that… I fucked his body up big time. Edward said and frowned deeply feeling bad that he had done this to him. He could only think how much Roy would hate him for doing this. Roy had always been proud of himself as a man, now that he was a woman, how would he react?

Hughes shook his head a little and turned back to Edward and Roy, seeing Edward was wrapping Roy in his infamous red coat. It covered more of Roy than it should have, or would have before. It seemed Ed had managed to get proportions and details of a female body right. That in itself was a blessing; they could pass Roy as a woman and keep him from being send to military's labs.

-We have to tell something to higher ups. Edward says and looks at Hughes. They both knew that the truth was out of options, it was illegal to do human transmutation.

-Do you think we could tell them Riza and Roy were killed here and we found her close by while going to your camp? Hughes asked and looked at Edward.

-Well yeah, we had an attack that went quite far inland, she could be from closest village that has people still living there; they could have kidnapped her and tried to get her to their side of border, we could even say we killed the soldiers responsible for taking her here. Edward said, he felt bad for lying about things like this. It still needed to be done.

Edward looked at Roy who he was holding. His face wasn't recognizable enough to be linked in colonel Mustang. His face had the nice oval shape it had been before, his skin seemed to be same, ivory color it had been all the time Ed had known Roy. His charcoal black lashes fanned against the pale skin looked longer than before.

Edward had always admired Roy's lips, they seemed perfect to him. Now they were noticeably fuller and the upper curve of them reminded him of cherry blossom. Roy's lips had incredibly nice color; they were toned down pink that reminded Edward about roses. It made Edward want to kiss him all the more.

Edward couldn't get the sight of breasts off from his mind. They had been most perfect he had ever seen, not that he had seen many before. Palest skin he had ever seen with the pink around the nipples. It was almost the exact color of Roy's lips. He wanted to keep holding on to Roy like this all the time.

Edward hadn't even noticed his feet had taken him back to his base camp with Hughes. Doctor was in his tent as Edward made his way in, carrying Roy still in his arms.

-I have a fainted woman and a man who needs some stitches. Edward said and nodded towards Hughes who had seated himself on one of the non-occupied beds. Doctor started to look at Hughes while Edward put Roy on another bed gently, wanting to just take him away from this place and take him to Resembool.

Doctor took his time to stitch Hughes and a nurse started to clean Roy up shooing Edward away from him and pulling some curtains to give privacy. It didn't seem to take too long from the nurse to get Roy cleaned up and minor scuffs Edward's alchemy hadn't cured.

-I think she is just so stressed out that she passed out. Nurse says and smiles lightly to Edward before going to assist the doctor who was with Hughes still.

Edward thinks how wrong she is and smiles back absentmindedly. Edward looks at Roy's peaceful face and resists the urge to go and sweep his bangs from his eyes. He notices slight movement from Roy's hand and watches as his eyes flutter open revealing their midnight blue color

-where I am? Roy asks and turns his head slowly to look at Edward and the nurse.

-Edward… Roy says and looks at him. Edward feels like he has let Roy down and looks back, going closer and touching Roy's hand.

-It is alright, you are alright. Edward says and smiles gently at Roy, he knows he wouldn't be able to keep the truth away from Roy for too long.

-I don't feel so good… Roy says and Edward feels worried, it could be that his alchemy hadn't repaired everything.

-Doctor will check you soon Roy. Edward says and tries to look re-assuring as he can, it wasn't so easy when he oh so clearly could remember what Roy had looked like not too long ago, dying.

-Where is Riza? Roy asked and looked at Edward with his midnight blue, sharp eyes. There wasn't going to be any way he could lie about Riza's death to Roy; they had been so close friends for so long. It could be anyway that Roy was just confirming it by asking him. For all Edward knew Roy knew it already and just wanted someone to voice it for him.

-Riza Hawkeye is dead. Edward says slowly. It was hard to say what was going inside Roy's head as he slowly nodded closing his eyes. "_It must be devastating"._ Edward thought. Roy turned his back to Edward and fought not to cry. He felt so tired and emotional. It was hard to keep from sobbing loudly and hugging his pillow.

-Roy. Edward says gently and pets his shoulder and hair softly, leaning closer to him.

-Roy… Edward tries again and carefully turns Roy more towards him.

-Edward… Roy says and inhales deeply.

-My hands… My hands aren't mine… Roy says looking pale and even sick by this discovery. Edward had hoped he wouldn't notice anything before doctor had looked him over. He took Roy's hand in his own, taking in how small it felt compared to his.

-I had to use alchemy to save you. Edward says and looks down; he feels Roy's eyes on his head, boring into his soul.

-I…uh I screwed up the transmutation… Edward says and looks back to Roy, straight to eyes. There was no way Edward Elric would still at his twenties act like a fucking coward.

-It turned you to woman. Edward says looking straight to Roy's eyes. He was watching Edward in disbelief. Roy seemed like he wasn't buying any of this. Who would; you just didn't pass out as a man and wake up as a woman.

-It is impossible. Roy says and feels like he could hang onto that thought for a while still.

-Let the doctor check you and do what he tells, I am sure you should rest as much as possible, before getting up and walking. Edward says to Roy sighing slightly and gets up so he could leave. Edward knew Hughes would be staying at medical tent for some time and he would watch Roy over until he came back.

- Alright then. Roy says and turns on his side trying to block out everyone and everything in the tent; including his hands. He listened Edward's steps as he leaved. Roy wanted to just slide his hands down his muscular stomach and feel for himself he had all his parts intact, but he didn't have the courage. It could be like Edward had said before leaving the tent, that he was now in fact a she.

He wasn't sure he could take it.

Thank you for reading my story. 3 Ant thank you for all of you that have followed or favorite this story. :D


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Fma or make any profit of this story.

Roy hadn't slept a wink after Edward had left. He felt like he had been rolling on some barbed wire fences. His skin was tingling with pain now and his muscles felt sore. He still didn't want to believe it, but as he had been lying there he had time to think about it. He didn't really want to be ungrateful for being alive.

He had been looked through by doctor and he had been forced to face the reality finally. It still felt like it was a bad dream.

How could he Roy Mustang, Colonel and Ladies favorite suddenly be a woman.

He had a big problem. While he knew how to twist any lady around his little finger he had no clue how should he act when he was one himself. It was absurd.

It made his mind spin like a whirlwind on an open field.

He just couldn't get over it.

Woman.

Boobs.

He really wished Riza would be here now. She would have told him to just suck it and kicked his ass to next day so that he could have gotten over it. She could have helped him to see what he could do with his new features and how it wasn't inconvenience to be woman.

But she wouldn't.

She wasn't here anymore, that was something Roy had to remind himself of. He missed her already. It pained his heart so much it felt physical. He hadn't been able to protect Riza. He knew he had let her down.

Could she ever forgive him, where ever she was now…?

Roy had taken account of what had changed. He could tell he was smaller now, as in height and weight. He had a smaller frame. He had always loved women with curves and now he himself had fair share of them. He supposed he would need bra, or face the consequences of not having them; back pains.

Roy felt like his butt was now gigantic along with his hips. It just was so unfair; he didn't want to see himself from a mirror.

He felt fucked up.

And while Edward had fucked him up with his transmutation, Roy couldn't bring himself to hate him. Roy had always loved Edward, they had even been together before the war started and ripped them away from each other. Remembering it was kind of painful, those days were gone and he wasn't sure he would want to be with anyone anymore. Still he remembered how he had let Edward in his apartment and to his life.

-Flash back start-

_It was a nice sunshine filled morning. Central city was buzzing with action as people went through their daily routines. Roy was sitting on a café at outside table watching people go by. It was somewhat overwhelming that there were so many different people on the streets today. It was entertaining to watch as he knew he could never really get onto life like that, never. It was also saddening in its own way; not able to go to that world that was having a family and being able to be with them without fear of someone targeting them because of him._

_He sipped his coffee and sighed softly, he should probably go already. _

_-What for you are looking so depressed Colonel Bastard? Edward asked and sat down opposite to him. He looked like he had been filled with sunshine all the way to his core._

_-I am no depressed. Roy says and looks away from Ed. Edward was like a sun itself while he was a shadow. It was in times like this when Roy felt the darkness tightening its hold on his soul and trying to slowly tug it under, make it fall down in it. Somehow the contrast Edward brought in his life just made it harder to deal with._

_-You are. You are jealous for not being like them aren't you? Edward asked and Roy looked at him with wide eyes, not even Hughes had noticed it, so how could this youngster? Well Edward was a genius. _

_-Maybe. Roy says and narrows his eyes at Edward. Had Edward watched him more than what he had tough then?_

_-You are. I am too. Edward says and looks at Roy as if he was planning something. Roy wanted to get out of the situation before Edward could use this momentarily lapse of his judgment to his advantage. _

_-I need to go now, nice to see you Fullmetal. Roy says and gets up to leave, turning around as soon as he was on his feet._

_-I will come with you. Edward says and smiles like he has found a hidden treasure. maybe he had found one; Roy's heart. _

_-I… Well alright then, come if you really want to. Roy says and looks at Ed, feeling genuine smile to tug on corners of his lips. He looked at Edward and saw he wasn't going to back out from this, so Roy started to walk towards his home with smaller alchemist at his side. He loved how Edward seemed to have trouble at matching his steps, as much as the younger one tried the funnier it seemed. Finally Edward seemed to decide he wouldn't die on not walking with as long strides as Roy and gave up on trying. After a not too long walk they came to big apartment building, it was nothing fancy; Roy had no need for anything but necessities._

_-That looks… crappy place. Edward said and looked at the building, it's paint was chipping and overall it looked old. _

_-It suits me fine; if it bothers you go away. Roy says and looks at Edward challenging him. It had everything to do with him not really wanting Ed to come there, it was just too intimate. Only Maes had ever seen his apartment, and that had been a while ago too, now it was just untidy again._

_-It doesn't bother me. Edward says and looks at Roy. The old apartment building seemed kind of fitting for the colonel. In a way Edward could see why it was this building Roy had chosen to get apartment from. It was slightly isolated from other apartment buildings, it had parking space around it and few buildings next to it had been demolished. On other side of it there was a central park; it meant there were no high places to sniper from. _

_Roy let Edward in the building and started to climb up the stairs. Edward looked around as he walked up the stairs behind Roy. It looked like the walls had been painted recently; they were nice shade of cream and the wooden rails on walls added hint of luxury as well as a support, if you didn't feel well. When they got to 5 floor Roy went to door and took a key from his pocket unlocking the door. He let Edward in first._

_Edward wasn't shocked to see how unkempt the place looked. There was sand at the floor next to door they came in, Edward took of his shoes as Roy did same and set them on shoe rack next to door. Roy closed the door and locked it, feeling tired suddenly, bringing Edward here hadn't been a good idea. He didn't want the younger one see how weak he was. How lonely he was always._

_Edward didn't wait for Roy to show him around. He looked in the small kitchen it didn't take too long that he had noticed there was just coffee and some breakfast ingredients. Not that Ed had thought Roy would have anything here, it seemed like man still hadn't unpacked his stuff after 6 months stay. As he looked more around the apartment he noticed there was nothing that would link Roy to this place. If Roy left no one would guess he had been habiting the place._

_-Don't you have any personal things here? Edward asked and looked at Roy, who had gone to living room and was sitting on a simple sofa; it wasn't anything Edward had ever imagined Roy would have. _

_-I have. Roy says and looks at Edward, seemingly unsure what to say, other that. He had things he liked here, they were in the boxes. There weren't that many boxes either. _

_Edward had always thought the bastard colonel would have big house, or at least super big apartment. Never would have he dreamed man would live in apartment small as this, hell he had bigger and nicer apartment!_

_-I never suspected you would live in apartment like this. Edward says truthfully. He found suddenly himself more and more interested in Mustang. He seemed so human in this apartment. _

_-I don't have time for bigger one. Roy says suddenly and looks at Edward, and while Edward could have bought it as truth… he had his suspicions about it._

_-You could always hire a maid. She would probably clean for you happily. Edward says and sits next to Roy. It felt almost like they were friends. He knew Roy didn't let just anyone in his apartment. Even Riza hadn't been there._

_-I don't trust them. Roy says and Edward looks at him, trying to see under all the masks he knew the man must be keeping up. It was like guessing game; it made him more curious. "Why Mustang didn't trust them?" Edward wondered and sighed softly gazing in the midnight blue eyes of his commanding officer._

_Edward could see a lot of things in them. They say eyes are a mirror to their owner's soul. He leaned closer to Mustang his heart was racing. Breathing deeply this close to Mustang, Ed had to notice vanilla scent. He couldn't get his head around the fact it seemed the man was wearing a scent that smelled vanilla before Mustang had leaned closer to him and pulled Edward in a breathtaking kiss. Edward was more than happy to go with it and in few more moments it turned more and more passionate, Edward was on Roy's lap and they were moving against each other._

_Edward woke up from next to Mustang. He felt great, although he never would have dreamed this would happen. He didn't want to wake the man up, so he was content to just watch him sleep here. Sleep seemed to erase all the lines and masks from his face, it made him look almost naïve. _

_Edward had to admit he admired Mustangs body; it was lean, muscular and tall. He had handsome face and silky coal black hair. Even now he smelled nice; vanilla scent hadn't disappeared like Ed thought it would. _

_Edward decided he would kick Mustangs world upside down, so that they both could be happy, it was for the better._

-Flash back ends-

Roy had been given some more fitting clothes and washing stuff, so he finally could go and get himself cleaned. Hughes helped him to secure a place where he could wash himself without anyone seeing; it was bad enough to be a woman, he didn't need to get raped by some soldier.

As Roy washed himself he became more and more aware of his body. He could already pretty well estimate how big space he took up. He was clean and he had clothes that would fit better. It would make a big impact on how he felt.

But it didn't. He still felt like he didn't know everything, Hughes looked like he kept something from him.

Riza's fate still bothered him. He felt like he hadn't done everything he could to save her. In a way he still felt like Riza was there next to him or behind his back.

It could be that it was some feminine scent he had now that made him feel like she was there. He had to look back at times just to make sure Riza wasn't there… Even if he remembered she was dead; nothing would save you if you had a metal shard through your head.

He dressed himself and combed his hair, there was just a small hand mirror, it was hard to see clearly anything else than his face from it, so he gave up on trying to see how he looked over all. He supposed he looked fine enough, now that he was clean; he just felt like shit emotionally.

Roy had noticed how all the other soldiers were looking at him, and he felt scared. He never had been afraid about having someone try and rape him, but in this body he was vulnerable. He had his flame alchemy, but he couldn't use it on them; if he did, they would know who he was and he would be headed in the labs before he could say Roy mustang. So he opted for staying close to Hughes.

Hughes acted like he hadn't changed at all. It felt nice. He ate with Hughes, trying not to care how much he got looks from others. He and Hughes spend the day together, doing smaller things at the camp, to earn their keep. There was no way he would sleep if he didn't have Hughes with him. Or Edward at least younger alchemist was strong and talented; Roy wouldn't need to be stressed about not being safe there. It was slowly starting to get dark and Roy was worried Edward wouldn't come soon enough so that they could make sleeping arrangements.

Roy actually wanted to sleep with Edward, knowing he would hold him like nothing had changed. Edward was just that kind of person.

Thank you for reading my story. :D It is an honor to see so many people have read this! *Bows before all of you*


	4. Chapter 4

Finally Edward got back to camp, making Roy feel relieved. He hadn't been looking forward to sleeping in tent with Hughes and 2 other soldiers. That would have been a pain. Another reason for not wanting to sleep there was that he had already had to kick one of the other soldiers. He was sure that Ed would make room in his tent for him if he asked nicely enough.

He waited for Edward to listen the reports of some soldiers. Roy sat on the sidelines and admired him. Edward didn't look as boyish as he had looked when they had first shared a bed. He looked more mature and hot now. He was as tall as Roy had been as a man. It took quite long time for soldiers to have told Edward everything. Roy leaned against his knees and sighed softly. He was just so tired.

-I am ready. Edward told him suddenly startling him out of his thoughts

-Oh alright. Roy says and gets up dusting his clothes. He looks at Edward and nod's starting to follow him to his tent.

-You do believe me now, don't you? Edward asks and looks at Roy, who tilts his head slightly to be able to look Ed straight to eyes.

-Yeah. I might not like it, but I can't do anything about it by not believing in you… Roy says and sighs looking at the distance.

-I will take care of you… It is my fault, and even if it wasn't I would still keep you safe and take care of you… Roy. I still love you as much as I loved before. Edward says and places his hand on Roy's shoulder gently.

-I don't need anyone to take care of me or anything like that. I am still myself. I am not some crying lady! Roy says irritated, resisting the need to hit Ed, he suddenly felt so pissed off. It was hard to keep from yelling at Ed how stupid he was and all that shit.

-Shh… Roy, you have no need to keep it inside. Come on, let's go to my tent and talk more there. Edward says and gently leads Roy there, shutting the flap, so that they can have at least some kind of privacy.

-Ed… I feel so confused…Roy admits finally and leans close to Edward burying his face in Edward's jacket. He felt Edwards arms come around him and hug him close to others warmth. It felt nice. Roy tried truly to keep himself from letting go of his dignity and crying against Edward's shoulder.

- I will keep you safe Roy. Edward says and rubs his hands up and down on Roy's back, enjoying new found curves as much as he had enjoyed the muscular and somewhat stiff back. He felt Roy finally give in and let everything go. He knew it must be traumatic to suddenly change like this; Roy had managed to look as if it hadn't really touched him, but Edward knew he was lost.

Roy was lost in his own body, afraid of how fragile and small it was. Afraid, how he would get along now, when he had lost all his belongings. He would have to start over again, build everything from the bottom up and find a place to where to start building. He, who knew only how to kill people and make war tactics.

-I will help you Roy, I am sure Hughes will help you too. Edward says gently and waits for Roy to react to it. Roy nodded sniffing slightly and rubbed his cheek on Ed. He was feeling better now; there was someone he could trust to help him to gain reins of his life again.

-Ed… Thank you, I really don't know what I would do without you… Roy says and looks up to Ed, their gazes locking and slowly Ed leans in for a kiss, that starts as a slow sensual questioning and transforms into a passionate battle of tongues and hands that are sneaking under clothes. In a way only a lovers can after facing event where the other half of them almost dies.

They are close, feeling each other up, groping, rubbing against sweaty skin. Taking of clothes, tumbling on the bed in passionate storm that is about to go on full force. Hungry like a man who hasn't eaten in week they keep feeding from the love they share, not minding the roughness of military issued sheets or the coldness of night seeping in the tent.

-Morning-

Roy was first to wake up, he felt slightly sore. It was so hard to believe what had happened. He didn't regret what he had done with Edward. He was still laying on Ed's bed, Ed curled around him and hands on his stomach. If he wanted he couldn't have gotten away from Ed's grip.

He was wondering on what he would do now.

Not what he would do today, with his life. There were many options. He could still try to get in the military.

It would be really tiresome to start again from under everyone else, besides he didn't want to kill people again. If he enlisted again, that would be the case.

What useful did he know that wasn't linked somehow into military. He could sew. He had sewn his alchemy circles to his cloves. He wasn't master in it, but he could sew pretty neatly.

Roy gave a thought on having a boutique with stuff he had sewn, but it seemed unreasonable amount of work.

What else he could do…? He knew how to plan stuff, but how that could be used as selling article?

-You are thinking so loud I can hear your rusty gears turning... Ed says in teasing voice and hugs Roy close, so that she can't get away or turn around.

-Ahh… So I am thinking. What to do with my life now. Roy says and presses against Edward letting his hand wander more on Ed's side.

-Roy. I told you I will take care of you… Stop thinking so hard… Edward says and sighs softly before shaking his head.

-But you might find someone you would want to be with and I would be left behind… Roy says and realizes he hadn't before given a voice to this particular thing he had been worrying so long, right from the first night they had shared.

-Roy, I won't! All I ever need is you. Besides if you stay like this, no one can stop us from getting married. We can be legally together Roy. Edward says trying to think good things about Roy changing to woman. It was surprisingly easy.

- … Well… that is true. Roy says, feeling dizzy about thinking marrying Ed. That was one thing he had never guessed he could do. Or would want to do, since he had to think about them all.

Thank you for reading my story. I have been having trouble with my car so it was hard to get this chapter written between driving to my parent's house and trying to repair it.


	5. Chapter 5

Roy felt in a way free. Edward had managed with just saying out loud they could be together make Roy see how his life now expanded towards the horizon. He had a huge amount of opportunities he could use. It was almost overwhelming to think about what he could do, he could even study something!

He was free.

No one knew who he was. He didn't need to be as serious as he had been, he could be a different person altogether. No one would be targeting him for being the Flame alchemist anymore.

He had wanted so much to be able to live with Ed.

Now he could sleep next to him like this and no one would even blink their eyes at Edward having him there. It was natural. It was love they shared, had shared for a long, long time already. Now they finally could be together without anyone questioning their actions.

-It is so hard to understand that I can be with you. Roy finally says and looks at Ed, who is putting his clothes on; He was still needed to repair things for his men and to attack their enemies with them soon.

-I know. You can think it as much as you need, before we decide anything, I don't want to pressure you into something you aren't ready for. Edward says and smiles at Roy, leaning closer to him and kissing him gently on lips running his hands through his silky hair. It felt so fantastic to be able to hold Roy so close. Ed felt now he had done the right thing while saving Roy. There was so much life in him.

-I will. You can't pressure me to do anything I don't want. I haven't changed that much Ed. Roy says starting to get up and put some clothes on himself too, he had no need to be naked without Ed here. It was safer with clothes on.

-Now be careful, I will come back soon as I can and try to arrange a way I can take you to home. Edward says and smiles at Roy, before walking out, leaving fully dressed Roy inside the tent waving at him.

It felt sad when Ed had to go. Roy was left to his own thoughts. They spun around in his head, making him almost confused about what he should do. He realized with a sudden jolt that some of them weren't his own at all. It was harder to grasp at first.

But he was pretty sure he usually didn't think about Riza's dog. Or more like how it was doing at the moment. It made him feel uneasy as hell. It felt suddenly so clear that Riza was next to him in the tent he looked around scared. Maybe her ghost was following him and trying to take him with her to next world?

Roy didn't believe in ghosts, not really. But here alone in the tent, right now he felt like Riza Hawkeye was there and Roy knew full well she was dead. He had to wrap his head around this one. He really hoped he wasn't going insane.

Slowly Roy got up and looked around the tent second time. Edward had a mirror on a small table, so Roy walked to it and looked at himself with it. It felt odd to look at his own face when he waited to see a man's face and was greeted by woman's face. In a way his mirror image reminded him of Riza. Yes it was his face; it hadn't changed enough to make it unrecognizable to himself. It just had small things that made him think Riza. His eyes were slightly wider. He had fuller lips, kind of like Riza's in shape.

He wanted to see himself fully. No, he **needed** to see his body fully. It wasn't possible, but still he had a growing suspicion about this. It wasn't possible… Just like healing him shouldn't have been possible.

Edward could never do thing like what he was thinking. Roy looked at his hands. Edward would never do such a thing; he should feel ashamed about even thinking Edward would have sacrificed Riza, to keep him alive. Edward wasn't that kind of person, he really wasn't.

While Roy kept telling that to himself, the thought kept nagging in his mind never truly disappearing.

He felt so bad for being like this. Riza had been dead by the time Ed had gotten there; He hadn't had any possibilities to do anything. Still he just felt like something about it wasn't right.

He was well rested and felt like he should do something around the camp. He got told to make some food for the soldiers with the cook. It was numbing to be there and peeling potatoes for hours. It also gave his mind too much time to wander around the possibilities. It was painful to sit there and do this simple job. Besides he was an alchemist, he could have done so much more than this!

Finally he was released from his peeling duty. He walked to hospital tent and talked with the doctor about having back pains, that weren't true. He just had to clear things with his mind and a back pain was creative ways to get someone look at his back. Ed or Hughes wouldn't do. It had to be someone who didn't know him. Or Riza for that matter.

-Well it looks like you might have some cramped muscles, nothing more serious. I would like to point it to you thought that tattoos aren't really good for your health. The Doctor says and Roy feels suddenly sick. So very sick. He hears how Doctor tries to talk to him and get him sit down, but he can't get his body to do so, he feels like he is floating.

It is so bizarre. He can't feel himself, everything feels so distant. It is a shock.

Roy Mustang doesn't have a tattoo on his back. Riza Hawkeye does.

Everything fits so perfectly in place, and yet Roy doesn't want to believe it. He can't believe it.

No one would believe it.


	6. Chapter 6

Hello! It has been a long time, I didn't mean to take this long to write this chapter but life happened. I still have school stuff to write and we are repairing our house too. if you want to, you can go to my deviantart and look at my art there, some of them are kind of linked with my fem Roy. I am shirumaru there

He is taken back to present time by doctor shaking him slightly by shoulders.

-Hello miss? Are you alright? You looked like you were going to faint on me. Doctor says and Roy shakes his head letting his mind wander only slightly to what he was feeling. He couldn't go and faint now. He had to make a way to make sure what he was thinking was true.

-Sorry, I didn't mean to. I was just wondering and got distracted. Roy says and looks at the doctor smiling.

-Well you seem to be okay now, so I think you can go, just make sure you stay at safe area on the inside of the camp. Doctor says and lets him go wondering just what made the woman so upset.

Roy walked slowly out of the hospital tent and looked around the camp. He didn't really want to stay there and worry about what he had found out. He wanted to see Riza's body. He wanted to see Ed hadn't done what he was afraid he had done.

So, Roy slowly sneaked out of the camp and put his military education in good use of trying to find the carcass of their car. He was pretty sure he had to be wrong, but the tattoo on his back was something that just didn't pop out of nowhere.

It was really a tricky way to get there and after all that energy he put on to it. There was only the car there. They had gotten Riza's body and found a way to get it out of there. It would be buried by the time he would get out. Roy was still totally upset about it. He wanted to know and at the same time he really didn't. It was too complicated.

He found a hiding place from some bushes and sat there wondering what he would do now. It was pretty quiet, just some shots in the distance and he wasn't too worried about being found out. He was worried about what he should do about the knowledge he had. He was sure Ed would never kill Riza just to save him, so he could trust that she had been dead before Ed had used her to save him… It made him feel uncomfortable. It meant his body and soul weren't an even pair anymore and who would know what could happen to him now. For all Roy knew he could suddenly turn back to his own self and die from the wounds he had survived with Ed's alchemy.

Roy curled up and felt sad and unsettled in his hiding place.

Suddenly someone wrapped their arms around him and he was about to scream help, not sure he would get any.

-It's me Roy. It was Maes and Roy was suddenly so relieved his eyes filled with tears and turned to hug onto him. Maes felt warm and familiar. He felt safe and while Roy wasn't so sure how the man had found out where he was he had to admit he was happy to see his friend.

-Maes… I… I am scared. Roy finally admitted and hugged his friend more tightly pressing his face against his neck and breathing his scent. He felt Maes hug him tightly and was gently pressed against muscular body.

-Everything will be alright. Maes told him sounding so convincing Roy wanted to believe he was right. Maes was his friend and always made him feel better, no matter what had happened. It would have been easy to fall in love with the man, and he had once done so. Maes had had his own wants and needs and they hadn't done anything about these feelings.

Feelings still lingered in him as he slowly let go of Maes and leaned back, feeling embarrassed and kind of ashamed of himself.

-Roy… Maes said with a voice that told Roy other man had also remembered their feelings from the past. It was so tempting to think Maes would choose him over Gracia this time as he was woman now and Roy shook his head.

-Maes. We need to go back to camp. Roy said and got slowly up looking around and seeing they could go unnoticed.

-Yeah, You are right. Maes says and smiles. He wonders if he could have chosen differently back then and wonders how it would feel to hold Roy close now. He wouldn't do it. Ed deserved Roy and Roy deserved Ed. They would be good to each other. He watched Roy's steps and body as he moved.

It didn't take too long of them to get back, Ed wasn't too mad at them for walking around. His automail was malfunctioning and he had arranged a ride for Roy and himself to his mechanic, to resembool.

************************************************** ************************************************** ***I hope you all enjoyed this shortish chapter.


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